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Jul. 22nd, 2008

believe

ready for change

Oh my chains. I can't disengage. 
I don't believe that I want to. 
 
And I'm singing for freedom. 
I know I'm not the only one praying to the one who can bring me this freedom.
I'm ready for change, change, change.

Looking down I lay. I keep holding my chains. 
No longer bound but here I stay.

So I'm singing for freedom. The time has come. 
Separation lost the war to love.
Take my hand. 
Grace is found where your words begin.
In the end there's only love...

There's only singing for freedom,. 
I'm ready for CHANGE. 



Lately it seems like my life has been such a bore.
Sure, I turned 21
& went to Disney
& California too
trips are great, birthdays are great, but CHANGE is grand. 
this life i'm living right now is not good enough for me
everything's a routine & that will not flow with me. 
I'M SINGING FOR FREEDOM!
I'M READY FOR CHANGE!

i'm not sure what i can do to achieve this big change
but i'm going to start trying NOW 
waiting will not do. i don't think there's an ounce of patience in my body. 

i think i might start by writing again. i have written any songs in quite a while
& with the arrival of my new guitar (which i havent gotten yet, but i will soon) 
i'll have plenty to do... 

i'll update you on my battle with boringness later on
wish me luck. 





Feb. 8th, 2008

follow your heart

you've got to live your life & make it count.

i'll make this short & sweet:

1stly -- got my own surfboard finally!
i'd been using greg's for a while but now i have my own POC
(piece of crap) lol
his name is El Camino
& he's pretty fucking ghetto

2ndly -- no more greg & kat
yes, it is over.
as of today
& (thankfully) it went really well
(sooo unlinke any other break-up in the life of Kat)
hopefully we can still be friends.

kat is SINGLE again!!!! wooot :)

3rdly -- went to a protest last weekend
for granting beach access to the public in Bal Harbour
it was fucking amazing.
i officially found my calling as a hippie. lol.

life has been treating me well lately, i must admit.

guess those are the biggest things going on in the life of Gata Loca
still going surfing a ton (& still hooked)
& smoking lots of cigars :)
& yes, working & schooling too
(sometimes) lol.


"last wave" -- bag of toys
when I go I'm gonna take this wave off into the sunset
when I get there man, I'll never get wet
gonna step right off  into the other side
and then I'm gonna make it in

i'm gonna take this wave, man I hope they're waiting there
with open arms, and a case of beer
but first I'm gonna shake hand of everyone before me
everyone I've ever known, everyone I've ever met.

take your time.. face it all some day
your're another player in this life and man you've got to play
can't just sit there waiting for life to pass you by
gotta catch it from behind and take it for a ride

you've got to live your life
you've got to make it count
before your time

Jan. 22nd, 2008

seagull

turn & spin & paddle like hell



Cruising to the beach in my piece of shit
Got my surfboard jammed in and it barely fits
The sun pouring down and it floods the dash
Hula girl sways as I find my stash
Thumping hands tap to the beat of the street
The back sweating hard sticking to the seat
Got the Sublime pumping on the stereo
But my heads still thumping from the night before
But that's okay. thats okay. another day on it's way.
Well the new swell is here and it's starting to show
Got the offshore winds and they're ready to blow
Pull out the board, wax up the stick
The duct-taped dings seem to do the trick
It's a beautiful day

Sprinting across the sand, burn off my feet
Hit the surf running and don't miss a beat
Take my place bobbing, out in the swell
Turn and spin and paddle like hell
Feel the wave grabbing and jump to my feet
A bottom carve turn like I've never seen
Six quick snaps and a floater inside
kick out the back, a nice fucking ride
But that's okay, that's okay, another day on it's way


been surfing a lot lately
& i must admit.....
i'm hooked.
water's always run through my veins
but now it runs differently
next step in this journey: my own surfboard!



Jan. 16th, 2008

peace love :)

i aint nobody's fool...but i dont like playing by the rules

january 16th: still happy
it's been about a month since my last post and i must admit...
i'm still deliriously happy :)
i just feel so in my element
& so right in my own skin
it's hard to explain
i love myself for who i am
& i realize that i really am a damn good catch, lol
i'm confident in myself & the fact that 2008 will bring me what i've been waiting for: love
i dont know how i know this, but i do
now that i know myself well enough i think i am finally ready to know someone else
& let myself go
& just do it.
i'm very excited about this notion b/c i can feel it
this will be a great year.

i'm not gonna catch up on past xmas break things b/c that would take too long
yesterday though, yesterday was FUN
i went surfing & I KICKED ASS (even if i didnt get up)
i am soooo proud of myself!!!!

i just lost the urge to write so i'm gonna stop here so i dont start writing shit
but i just feel really good in my own skin right now
& that is a big deal...with anyone
so yayyy for me :)
i think a lot of it has to do with the people i surround myself with
i love my friend & my family 

&....... i might get a tattoo this weekend 
lol, let's seeeeeeeeee  :) 

ok, here's passafire... 


 Get up today with red on your face. 
Fight down those that bet on the race.
Some paid to keep the pace. 
While the element of peace is soon erased.
I think I want to storm the gates 
when I sit back and watch a dollar bill inflate
Instead of less, I've got more to hate, 
but I keep on trucking with the motorcade.

I aint nobody's fool 
but I don't like playing by the rules
Can you dig it?
We all swim in a pool of emotion 
and we're all going to sink down in it

When you drown, don't look down
all you can see is the darkness
You don't make a sound cause there's no one around 
to hear the beat of your heart skip

Never pretend to be something you're not
Talk that shit and you'll end up shot.
Don't care about the money you've got. 
Soon this globe's gonna get real hot.
Don't know how to make a change 
but I'm not the first one to feel this way.

I really want to try to sway the population to a better way.

I aint nobody's clown 
with a smile painted on my face I can't frown 
I hate waiting around for the brand new 
so I'm gonna have to invent it

I aint nobody's tool. 
Sometimes I'm used to cut a slice of the pie.
We all want to be cool
We're all out to get it, what we want we can't decide.

-passafire's "submersible"

Dec. 21st, 2007

hands

we all need a little more room to live

"konstantine" by something corporate. 
amazing 9-minute song. enjoy. 



I can't imagine all the people that you know and the places that you go when the lights are turned down low. And I don't understand all the things you've seen, but I'm slipping in between you and your big... dreams. It's always you and my big dreams. 



And you tell me that it's over but I can't stand here in a patch of four leaf clover. And your restless, and I'm naked. You've got to get out. You can't stand to see me shaking. No, could you let me go? I didn't think so.



And you don't want to be here in the future, so you say. The present's just a pleasant, interruption to the past. And you don't want to look much closer cause you're afraid to find out all the hope that you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed. And it did because of me. 



And then you bring me home, afraid to find out that you're alone, no. And I'm sleeping in your living room but we don't have much room To live.



And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar, maybe cross the country, become a rockstar. And there was hope in me that I could take you there but dammit you're so young, but I don't think I care. And if I hurt you then I'm sorry, please don't think that this was easy. 



And then you bring me home cause we both know what its like to be alone, no. And I'm dreaming in your living room but we don't have much room To live. 



Konstantine came walking down the stairs. Doesn't she look good standing in her underwear? And I've been thinking, and I'm thinking, no. But she's been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere. 



My Konstantine came walking down the stairs and all that I could do was touch her long blond hair. And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know, we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.



This is because I can spell confusion with a K and I like it. It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it. It's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car, but this time I'm alone, and I don't see those stars. I'm not your star? Isn't that what you said, what you thought this song meant? 



And if this is what it takes just to lie in my mistakes, and live with what I did to you and all the things I put you through.I always catch the clock it's 11:11 and now you want to talk. It's not hard to dream, you'll always be my Konstantine. 



This is to a girl who got into my head with all these pretty things she did. Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed. It's to a girl who got into my head with all the fucked up things I did. Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed. My Konstantine. 



Spin around me like a dream. We played out on this movie screen. And I said, Did you know I miss you?



God, I miss you



And then you bring me home and we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no. And you'll kiss me in your living room and you see, no, that I've been missing in my Living room. Cause this is what I miss, what I miss. We don't have much room. I said, does anybody need that room? Because we all need a little more room. To live. 

Dec. 18th, 2007

aviators

(no subject)






i know there's a place you walked
where LOVE falls from the trees
my heart is like a broken cup
i only feel right on my knees





Dec. 16th, 2007

aviators

....still feeling happy :)

yep... i'm still in my deliriously happy mood
& i have been since that day @ the beach long ago.. (or so it seems)
let's recap what's happened since then:
got an A on my crazy grammar exam!!!!!
i cant explain how happy i was. it was the most amazinggg feeling.
did well on all my other finals... *cross your fingers*
& i (just now) figured out my schedule for next semester, lol
i'm taking 4 classes so far & i'm hoping for that sexuality class :)

other than school (because i really hate talking about it) everything else seems to be good
everyone's coming down this week from wherever they are

on sunday we're having a big party @ lily's
it should be fun to see everyone again... all dressed up :)
& on saturday i'm going to a house party by some famous Miami DJ so i'm very excited about that too
& on thursday... the CIP band invited us to a show they're having @ the hard rock

we went there friday night (mel, michelle & i)
it was sort of last minute but it was a lot of fun
it was around 12:30 & no one was @ cheeseburger any more
so we got up there & started to dance & i went & sang with them
it was awesomeacious!!!! i got a free drink out of it from them too...
....for singing "hit the road jack" with them LOL
he found greg & told him to watch out b/c i seemed very confident when i sang the song
greg was really touchy-feely the rest of the night hahaha.
i love it. 

yes, i'm a busy lady :)
FINALLY    

& no work starting wednesday so i'll be an uberly happy & busy lady starting then
wow... it's gonna be a great week.

btw: keith urban concert: FUCKING AMAZING
his guitar playing is out of this world
& babs & i have a new obsession with his banjo player, Brian Nutter :)
BESt xmas present EVER.

i'm gonna try to go to the beach as much as i can but there's supposed to be a cold front :/
i have my cousins' surfboards @ my house & i'm dying to take them out!!!
oooo i met kelly slater @ the beach on wednesday AND thursday
i'm was soooo stoked (lol had to use a surfer term there)

oo funny story: greg's mom called me yesterday
i have no clue how she got my # but i was kind of caught off guard! lol.
all she wanted was for me to email a picture i took of greg
but it was so random. wow.

guess i've said enough...cant remmeber if i should update about anything else
so i'll just leave y'all with a song:


"wanted" by pepper

cant believe you live that way
you're holding all your breath for someone else
all i made was one mistake
almost seems like you were counting on more
do i dissapoint you?
or did i do something more?
well, thats what i wanted
& thats what i found
i could never change your mind
i could never reach you in time  

Dec. 3rd, 2007

flags on the beach

the amazing day @ the beach.

ok so we'll start off by saying that i have no song for today & i think i'm actually gonna write in complete sentences! wooot. it's just been a great day with lots of conversation so i dont exactly know how i can shorten this story..
yes, i took the day off. 
but i really needed it. 
i know i've been slacking off this semester (as always) & i know it seems like i dont do any work but i actually get a lot of stuff done. especially this past weekend. i've been working my butt off studying for this stupid grammar exam &  i'm so worried i think i'm getting myself sick. 
so...like i said: i NEEDED this day off
& boy did i get what i asked for. it was perfect.

went to class this morning.. errr sorta... until it got cancelled & i had to drive back home. then, i managed to get pulled over by a dyke-y bitchy ugly ass cop who wrote on the ticket that i was an "agressive driver" who was "weaving through traffic at high speeds" BITCH please!!!! uggghhhh. so anywho, didnt know what to do. i was gonna go to the beach by myself until greg called & said he was going (obviously) so we went together. he picked me up & we went up to west palm beach. big uh oh on my part: left my car @ home & my mom came home & called me wondering where i was. i had to think fast & i told her i was @ the library in fiu studying with lucia who drove. she obviously didnt believe me but whatever. back to the beach:

great day! so we got there around 1:30 & it was warm & the water was beautiful....crystal clear. there were about 3 other surfers & tons of skimboarders & a few kitesurfers too. greg went straight in the water & i chilled out on the sand until a couple of guys (obviously tourists considering they were taking pictures of themselves running on the beach baywatch style) pretended to start taking pictures of me until i got up & offered to take their picture. apparently they just wanted me in the picture so i took the stupid fucking picture right as greg was walking back. lol. he was a little mad :)   then we walked down the beach until we got to an area with a huge ass house & lots of waves crashing onto the steps of it. beautiful, absolutely breath-taking. we swam for a while (considering there were no waves) & then kissed a little (obviously) & eventually (b/c i was freeeezing) i headed out while greg tried (tried being the key word) to catch some waves. 

sitting on the sand, trying to dry/warm up, i met this family with 2 dogs & a blond guy with 2 more dogs (labs). talked with the family for a while about dogs & living in miami & dog parks, etc... until they eventually left to sit down on their beach chairs a few yards away. then the dude with the 2 labs & i started talking. wow...cant even explain it. i tried to tell lucia about it in the car...about the connection we had. no lovey-dovey shit or anything: just a genuine connection with a person. serendipitous, if you will. we talked about everything: marriage, love, kids, kitesurfing, relationships, gemini vs. scorpio, hispanic girls, cocoa beach, surfing, his dogs, kelly slater, parents, miami.... i could go on. we talked for almost 2 hours.. with greg out in the water watching (poor guy). it was amazing. i felt so comfortable talking to this guy. if he weren't 30 years old & sort of balding & crazily skinny, i probably would have asked him for his # right then & there. although he probably would've gotten to that first if i werent with greg (which i did mention to him @ the beginning of our conversation. i do not cheat on anyone). seriously though, i didnt even flirt... & i dont think he was flirting with me (ok, maybe a little :) it was just honest-to-goodness genuine good conversation & i'm so happy it happened...for 2 reasons: 
    1. it made me very happy. i told him things i dont tell just anyone. i felt comfotable with him...like i could trust him. & thats hard for me to do even with people i've known for years. he gave me advice about certain things that i needed help with...things i had thought long & hard about, asked others about, & cried & laughed about. & this advice: DEAD ON. i mean, seriously. its like he had this secret key into my life & new exactly what i was talking about & what i wanted to / needed to hear. frickin amazing. thats the only way i can describe it. 
    2. it made greg jealous :)   i dont mean this in any mean way, it's just i think this made greg appreciate me a little more, at least definitely for the day. he say on the other side of the beach @ some point..not wanting to come over to where i was with Morgan (thats his name) b/c he apparently had a bad surfing rash ( like i was supposed to know this from the other side of the beach?? ) & he kept calling me over & i kept telling HIM to come over to where I was. i just thought he was being stubborn, like me. so... what did i do? i kept talkign to Morgan, lol. once we left...greg kept calling him my "fiance" & asking when the wedding was & wondering where we made out, etc... & then criticizing every little thing about him. i was in heaven :)  i did (in all seriousness) tell greg that i would never do anything while in a relationship with a guy & greg said he knew..although he was still a little jealous. hehe.

right before i left Morgan back to Greg...he told me something that really got to me. we were talking about love & relationships & i made mention to the fact that i'd never been in love. he told me (being 30 yrs old) that there is plenty of time for that. i shouldnt rush anything & i shouldnt feel bad that i havent fallen in love. some people just work @ a slower pace than others. i really appreciated that b/c as much as i try to tell myself that... as much as i know it's true, i still want & feel the need to fall in love... just to prove that i can do it. i know that one day i'm going to find an amazing guy who i'm going to fall madly in love with... just not today :)
so as the sun set & the sky turned shades of red, orange, purple & blue, morgan & i went our separate ways, & a part of me felt more whole...complete...like it was something that i needed...something that a Higher Power had planned for me. & because of that, & because of a lot of other stuff...I AM HAPPY. genuinely happy. yes, i got a ticket... yes, my mother is angry. yes, school sucks. what else is new? the world will still go on & i will have my moment of glory, my moment of raw, real emotion. thanks for that... i dont know who the thanks goes out to: but thanks anyway. 


Nov. 28th, 2007

peace sign american

take it easy :)

i wish i was a hippie !!
here are some awesome quotes & song lyrics
from the 60s.
i dont know why but i had a lot of time on my hands today
so this is what i looked up

oooo watching motocross right now
& CRAVING SOMETHING CRAZY
seriously.

tonight with Wicke was awesome!
i love going back to Lourdes
sometimes i forget how much i miss it :(

holy shit...this guy just did a double backflip
whatev man, nothing tops pastrana's triple @ the x games last year
booooyaaa

lol ok sorry. i swear i have add.
my mom & i looked up symptoms & everything tonight
hahaha. yeahh.

we ended up going to swensen's afterward
(the usual hang-out spot)
so i was pumped.
& caroling comp is this sunday!!!! woot.
we're definitely going
& wearing our jackets.
anywho, fun times singing in the swensen's parking lot
it was cool seeing everyone

guess thats all i have to say.
i'm not sad anymore
i'm VERY HAPPY.
maybe i'm bipolar..not add.
lol.
my mood shift like offshore winds
wow..that was such a sailing statement right there
oooo i wanna go sailing!!!
oh no....
:)

ok so here are the quotes / lyrics, etc...
before i got jump off a bridge or something.
enjoy !!!!!!!


I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one. 
And I believe it could be, someday it's going to come.

Cat Stevens

 Get your motor running.
Head out on the highway.
Looking for adventure
in whatever comes our way.
like a true nature's child
we were born, born to be wild.

Steppenwolf 

 

If it feels good, do it!

  

Love is all you need.
The Beatles
 

 

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? 
Love is everything it's cracked up to be. 
That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . 
It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. 
And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong - How to Save Your Own Life

 

Make Love, Not War

 

Our programme is cultural revolution through a total assault on culture, 
which makes use of every tool, every energy 
and every media we can get our collective hands on... 
our culture, our art, our music, our books, our posters, our clothing, 
the way our hair grows long, the way we smoke dope and fuck and eat and sleep-
it's all one message-the message is freedom.

-John Sinclair (1969)

 

If you want to be free, be free, because there are a million things to be.
Cat Stevens

 

Let's live for today!
The Grass Roots 

 

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
Bob Dylan

 

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Mahatma Ghandi

 

If you can remember the '60s, then you weren't there.

 

Dont let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
Lighten up while you still can. Dont even try to understand.
Just find a place to make your stand. And take it easy.
The Eagles

 

Nov. 24th, 2007

aviators

(no subject)

you're just like everyone
you want to run away and hide all by yourself
 


i think it's time to give it up and figure out what's stopping us from breathing 

this is the place that you have come to fear the most

i'm letting myself down


when your mind's made up......... there's no point trying to change it. 

the little cracks they escalated. before we knew, it was too late. 



YOU HAVE BROKEN ME ALL THE WAY DOWN
i wish that you could see

when will you learn?
WE DON'T HAVE TO FIX IT. LEAVE IT UNTOUCHED.
i wish i didn't have to make all those mistakes. please try to be patient and know that i'm still learning. 

i'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside of me burning..... 


you're barely scraping by

scratching at the surface now. i'm trying hard to work it out. if you have something to say, say it now. 
this is your chance to even up the score

I'M CLOSER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE

you'll be the last, you'll see 
 



I will be the first to admit

I don't have the strength to handle it alone anymore

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